'It's true in 6 months you are gone & you will be living your dream to its fullest extent' 20-06-09

"im so proud of you.. you will make it and when you do i'll be so happy for you"

So i was just reading the letter Atem wrote for me.. i cant actually remember how many times i've read it, its one of the most beautiful things anyone has ever done for me; i remember it coming through the post and me just crying for a good half an hour just reading it hahaha..honestly.. i wont quoteanything else from it really because the letter and atem himself have a place in my heart that is too special to really share with well... anyone really.
There are some people in your life that will stay with you forever, they come into your life and leave a mark that will never go, its unspoken, no matter how far away you are from eachother. Atem is one of them people, he just gets me. i choose my family ; you know who you are.

Sometimes its hard to let go off people you know you shouldnt let go.. but for some reason or another, at that time in your life you have to. That sounds kind of Contradictory.. if you know you should let them go why should you? But its sometimes a case of the wrong time.. in a way.. ive had to let someone go because i just dont feel theyre meant to be in my life at this time.. Bascially.. and this so so bad and it call comes back to being selfish..but i dont have the time, i need to keep focused on myself - training and working, everything is for LA.. i cant get distracted by anyone.. if im meant to be with this person in the future.. it'll happen, just not now.. if its meant to be its meant to be, you shouldnt have to force anything. Its not just this particular person.. theres been a lot of people in the past week that ive got rid of.. simple as that, sorry if you're not good for my life round about now you're out of it. This week i was told im pushing myself too hard and i need to not take as much class... i get it that i need to rest.. but i just dont get it how i shouldnt take class. im so tired though man, i work 7-5, 8-6, 7-7, then straight to training.. my body hates me... but i dont need people around me telling me not to take class... i know i need to look after myself i guess im just too 'all or nothing'; but i wouldnt have it any other way. Going my own way and holding my own, working hard every single day; my true friends that i call family are always by my side, everyone and anything else is irrelivant. thats all im doing right now, working hard.. and its so natural... its like im on autopilot, my body just works works works and i dont care.. all im thinking about is LA.. theres a natural pattern to my life, who is anyone else to judge that? even with the best intentions people who try to give me advice they think im lacking in arent me, so they'll never get it.

Sometimes it's all about sacrifices, I know its worth it for what i want.


-

-